«He said I ruined the evening.» Stories of Belarusian women who proposed to men

«I decided to propose in front of witnesses — so he couldn't back out later»

Masha warned: it would be more comfortable for her to share her story anonymously. The story began back in 2021, when the girl came across an advertisement for the «School of Love.» Masha's attention was drawn to phrases like: «Can't maintain long-term relationships? Don't know what to talk about with your loved ones? Then come to us!»

— Before this, I had relationships: one lasted a year and a half, the other — two. But they didn't end in marriage, even though I was already about 25 years old,» the girl recounts. — The first young man said directly: he didn't need a wife. A year after we broke up, he got married. I lost respect for the second fellow. We worked together — work carried over into the home. He even proposed to me, but he was still officially married, although he wasn't living with his wife. My mother immediately asked about the divorce, to which he replied that it was a matter of time. As a result, he received a refusal.

Павялічыць

These bumps and bruises led Masha to the classes. The instructor was a pastor in a Protestant church, a psychologist, and a sexologist.

— At the school, we were taught: family life is work, «fire cannot burn without wood,» it's important to communicate, otherwise it won't be a family, but just neighbors.

Among the participants, there were roughly equal numbers of guys and girls. That's how Masha became close to Zhenya. He had a first unsuccessful marriage, and he came to the courses to understand why he couldn't build wholesome relationships. Gradually, their communication grew into a serious relationship.

— I made the decision about two months after moving in with Zhenya. I understood that he kept his word and met my criteria. I told him: if he doesn't propose within a year, then the proposal will come from me. He joked it off. It was clear he was afraid of getting burned again. His friends told him: «You snatched a great girl, what are you waiting for?», but he reacted negatively.

In April 2023, having not waited for Zhenya to act, Masha decided to take action.

— I am a decisive person. Proposing in private would be wrong — witnesses were needed so he couldn't back out later.

She arranged with his friends. The prelude was a conversation about their wedding. Masha brought a cake to her friends' apartment in advance, where the main question was written on the cream.

Павялічыць

— I handed Zhenya the cake and asked him to answer. His facial expression said that I had put him on the spot in front of his friends. He said: «You ruined the evening.»

Masha cut the part with «Marry me?» into three pieces — for herself and her friends. The girl left Zhenya pieces with the answers. The filling in the piece that «rejected» the proposal was specially made very spicy, while the desired «yes» would have tasted ordinarily sweet. However, Zhenya didn't even try the cake that evening.

The next day, they broke up. But then they called each other, talked, met, and reconciled — and then he accepted the proposal.

True, I also «dragged» him to the registry office. At first, I waited and waited for him to say: «Grab your passport — and let's go.» Ultimately, I just said: either we submit the application, or we break up.

Two years ago in December, we got married. Our marriage is probably not built on «chemical» love.

Zhenya is a person I trust, he is reliable, and a family can be built with him, and if a controversial issue arises — I will take his side, even if I disagree. Because he is my husband, it is my choice, and I will stick by it.

«I matured enough to want to get married»

Olga and Sergey's story began on a dating site, although both were into running and had many mutual acquaintances. They quickly became a couple.

Olga and Sergey first spoke about marriage a couple of months after starting their relationship. At that time, both understood: something serious could come from this relationship. However, Olga herself was not in a hurry to get married. At least because she already had a divorce behind her — from a first marriage, nine years long, during which she raised two children.

— As my friends and I like to say: there's a big love, and then there are small loves. And you always know which one you're meeting,» Olga smiles. — Sergey knew about my attitude towards marriage, so after six months of our relationship, we agreed: if I wanted to marry him, I would be the one to propose. It turned out that he was already ready and was, as it were, «waiting» for me.

So ours is not a classic story where the girl waited and didn't get it. I'm still curious why women strive to get married? Yes, I wanted great, interesting, and deep relationships, but marriage as a stamp in the passport… Perhaps for someone it's reassurance or status, but for me, it's a formality. I matured enough to want to get married.

For Sergey, the issue of the stamp was also not fundamental. At the same time, Olga emphasizes: the guy had no fear of marriage. So everything depended solely on the girl's desire.

— About a year and a half into the relationship, I realized that I wasn't fully choosing Sergey, I was tense about something. This was purely internal for me. Sergey is a man who never puts pressure — that also wins me over.

By the way, I started to understand men — when they are pressured with phrases like, «it's about time,» «I'm not getting any younger.» Because in our couple, I was the one who decided to propose. I imagined what it's like — when people buzz around you saying: «Well, when?» That's enormous tension!

That's why I felt sympathy for men who do it not sincerely, but under pressure.

Olga thought about the decision to propose to Sergey for a long time. For herself, the girl explains this as a manifestation of maturity: when the choice is made sincerely.

— We planned our first big trip — Sergey, the children and I were going to Elbrus. Having decided, I first talked to the children. The eldest son said it was a bit strange — for a girl to propose. But I explained that Sergey and I had agreed on this.

Later, together with the children, we went to choose rings. The consultant suggested that my fiancé come later and try on his ring. I replied that it was a surprise and I was proposing. The reaction was restrained: well, things like that happen, — Olga laughs.

Spoiler: Olga still got the ring size wrong for her future husband. But, of course, she didn't know about it until the moment X.

— In the evening, when we were already in the mountains, I called Sergey for a walk. Starry sky, Elbrus… I took out the rings and proposed to him, asking something like, «Will you be my husband?» I didn't get down on one knee! — the girl smiles. — Both cried from the touching moment, although nothing was visible in the dark.

Sergey immediately replied: «Yes.» He had originally said that if I proposed, he would agree.

The next day we had a ceremony — we had also agreed on it with the children. The eldest son read a touching speech, and the youngest held the rings. Due to the bright sun, we were all wearing glasses, but everyone was crying beneath them.

Next — a 10‑minute photo session and the continuation of the trip. After returning to Minsk, Sergey and Olga discussed the issue of official registration for about two more months.

— At one point, Sergey was filling out visa documents, and in the «marital status» field, I was listed as divorced, and he as single. He said that we were clearly something more than those labels. So we decided to go and register. We chose the anniversary of our acquaintance — no need to «multiply» shared dates. By the way, I consulted an astrologer and a numerologist — they said everything was fine.

At the end of November this year, the couple organized an intimate wedding, which lasted at most a minute and a half. Next — a few days of relaxation on the Braslav Lakes and the beginning of family life.

— Later I asked what marriage changed for Sergey. He said that there was more responsibility and a sense of family emerged.

For me, it seems like nothing has changed yet, as I'm still getting used to this status.

However, I am absolutely sure: it's important to negotiate, everything that is normal for a particular couple is normal. I even joked that the proposal should be made by whoever takes longer to mature.

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