Minus $10 thousand. A Belarusian woman is paying off the debt of her 14-year-old son, who became a courier for fraudsters

The boy only managed to work for two days, yet the amount of damage exceeded tens of thousands of dollars. Later, one of the victims filed a lawsuit demanding the return of $10,000 handed over to the courier. For more than two years, Dzina has been paying off this debt for her son, Onliner.by writes.

Dzina begins the interview with a confession. Her main goal is to tell other parents that this happens: you love, care for, protect, but at some point, your familiar world crumbles.

Matvei is the heroine's elder son. Dzina smiles as she recounts that the boy has been very independent since he was 10 years old: he would get to training sessions by himself, easily make himself a sandwich or pour milk over cereal.

— Matvei has been involved in sports since he was 3 years old — that was my idea. I wanted him to have a place where he would be supervised. Later, during his school years, my son's routine was simple: school — training — home. I wouldn't say he resisted such a regimen; phrases like "I don't want to live this life!" were never uttered. He enjoyed going to competitions and being in all that hustle and bustle.

Another important point is related to his childhood. When Matvei was almost 4 years old, his parents decided to divorce. The divorce itself, Dzina says, went smoothly. Afterward, the boy's biological father moved away — from that moment on, he stopped being interested in his son's life, as well as providing financial assistance. And although Matvei never vocalized it, Dzina noticed: the child deeply missed a father figure by his side.

— The topic wasn't taboo: I showed photos of my ex-husband, talked about him, but never in a negative way, — the mother explains.

When Matvei was still in kindergarten, Dzina met a man. Their relationship gradually developed — the couple moved in together, later got married, and after some time, a second child was born into the family. And yet, this story also ended in divorce.

— We had to go through a difficult period: divorce, apartment division, mortgage. It was also hard for Matvei because he perceived my second husband as a friend. Later their contact stopped, while the younger child often went to his dad for the weekends.

The following year became a real trial for Dzina. In addition to changes in her personal life, difficulties with work began: one of the projects the girl was working on was shut down.

— I had constant employment, but, let's say, it wasn't an eight-to-five job. So, financially, everything seemed to halt suddenly: there was no work at all for the entire summer, only small odd jobs. I honestly explained the situation to Matvei. I planned that everything would get better by autumn.

“They asked my son if he felt sorry for the grandmothers”

That same summer, 14-year-old Matvei went to his grandmother's for the summer holidays. The boy didn't want to be without training and studies for several months, so he decided to find a part-time job. At first, he considered working as a general laborer at a school, but it didn't work out. An important point: Dzina was aware of all this.

— My son found another option — distributing flyers. My grandmother (my mother) and I tried to control the situation: we asked Matvei to send photos from the place where he was, to send the flyers themselves, and to send a "circle video" on Telegram. I was worried that everything would be okay and he wouldn't get into any dubious company.

But at the end of July, that very call from the police came. Dzina was informed that she urgently needed to come to the station. They promised to explain the reason in person.

— My first thought was — my son got into something. I can't say Matvei was entirely positive: teachers, for example, scolded him for vapes. I didn't see them at home, but Matvei was constantly caught with them at school. We had a conversation about it, but how can I forbid something if I don't see him... So I thought the call might be related to that. The second thought was drugs.

While I was driving, a stream of all sorts of guesses spun in my head.

Simultaneously, a police car pulled up with me, and Matvei got out of it. There were no handcuffs on my son. I saw that he was completely lost, absolutely emotionless.

The first question from the police officers, asked to Dzina, was approximately this: does she know who phone scammers are? The mother honestly answered no.

— When they explained what had happened, I couldn't believe it. That someone called a person, and that person voluntarily put $10,000 into a package with linen and handed it over? Matvei was asked if he felt sorry for the grandmothers. The son replied that he was told to come and pick up a package, then deposit the money into the specified account. According to him, he started suspecting something after the third time. But he seemed to be intimidated and afraid to tell: perhaps he was threatened in some way…

In total, Matvei, Dzina recounts, had five episodes. The boy managed to work as a courier for two days — this time was enough to transfer tens of thousands of rubles from the victims to the scammers.

— He found the job advertisement in a local chat for teenagers. Later, I also scrolled through it, looked — there was nothing bad there. I managed to see the ad itself, approximately with this content: "Who is looking for a part-time job for the summer? Not drugs. Write in private messages." Everything matched my son's inquiries. Matvei was supposed to pick up the money, exchange it for Belarusian rubles at an exchange office, and deposit it into an account via an infokiosk. For one visit, they paid, it seems, about 100 rubles — for a child, that was good money. Especially if he went three times a day.

Павялічыць

It wasn't difficult to identify Matvei. There were cameras near every entrance, and the teenager himself, his mother assures, didn't behave as if he wanted to hide: he didn't cover his face, wore a bright T-shirt, and on the first day even used public transport (on the second day of "work," he had money for a taxi) — in short, he didn't hide.

— We stayed at the police station until night, recounting the story about five times. We drove home in silence. Throughout that period, it was as if I was on a train, not understanding what was happening. In the very beginning, Matvei spoke very little about what happened; he shut down. But I didn't pressure him. I also didn't understand my own feelings: what should I do? And yet, several times I broke down, asking why he needed all this.

“I was told that one of the victims might sue”

The story dragged on. Six months later, Dzina recalls, she was called again and told that the people to whose accounts the money was transferred had been identified. By then, the mother already knew that Matvei wasn't facing prison: the boy, let's remember, was 14 years old at that moment.

— About two months after the criminal case was closed, the investigator called me. They told me that one of the victims might file a lawsuit. I understood that this could happen: my mother works as a lawyer. Matvei knew about this too. I was very worried about him and afraid to pressure him — primarily so that he wouldn't do anything to himself. We are family, and if there's a problem, it needs to be solved.

Indeed, one of the victims filed a lawsuit. The statement indicated that in July 2022, attackers called the woman and informed her that her daughter had caused a car accident — money was allegedly needed to provide assistance. The victim handed over $10,000 to the courier — "all her cash savings," as well as essential items. The victim demanded that this money be recovered. The lawsuit also claimed moral damages, estimated at 10,000 rubles. Documents show that the victim's husband's health sharply deteriorated due to what happened — the man died that same autumn.

Павялічыць

The documents also stated that the investigator suggested Dzina voluntarily compensate for the damage, but she refused to do so.

— I could have approached the victim personally. But honestly, I was scared. Most of all, I was afraid that Matvei and I would go to their house, and they would beat us up. Who is her family, her children? What if she has a crazy son who would say we robbed his mother? Going to someone else's house… If it were with a police officer, but like this, one on one…

Objectively, it was just scary.

As a result, the lawsuit demanded compensation for $10,000 (the amount Matvei took), state duty, and 10,000 rubles in moral compensation. Ultimately, it was decided to recover property damage (26,000 rubles — the same $10,000) and slightly less than 1,300 rubles in state duty. Given that Matvei was a minor at the time, Dzina was obliged to pay.

Павялічыць

The heroine explains that she had no means to pay off the debt immediately. Therefore, it was decided that 50% of her income would be garnished. In addition, she had to somehow pay off the apartment loan, renovation costs, and "settle" the credit card.

— I am employed at a small rate; my income mainly comes from projects under contract. Often, from these same funds, I also have to pay additional expenses related to my work. When half goes "there" [towards the debt], it's very noticeable. Both morally and physically, it's difficult to pay money that you never owned or used. It's not even a loan for something you acquired; the entire sum was transferred to third parties — scammers. And if you never had such money before, where would you even get it to compensate?

“I want to breathe out and know that there's no minus of 22 thousand on my card.”

From the outside, it might seem that Dzina's life is full of "successful success." The girl sometimes goes on business trips and publishes beautiful photos on Instagram. Maintaining social media, the heroine explains, is important for her work.

— Going to work as a cashier is possible, but what would be left from a hypothetical 1000 rubles salary? — Dzina muses. — Honestly, due to not understanding how to live further, I had suicidal thoughts. I want to calmly come in and say, "Good day, I want to work for you." But I am obliged to provide information to the Internal Affairs Department (AUІ), and the employer is also aware that you have a debt, and I don't want to explain where it came from.

— Did any friends offer help in repaying the debt?

— Let's just say: many are ready to support, but not to give money. So I stopped all such conversations. It's a painful topic that I can't just "chatter" about. I understand why I'm talking about this in the interview: it seems to me that there are other mothers, families, who are sitting in shock right now, just like me.

An important aspect of this story is related to a psychologist. Dzina recounts that a specialist worked with Matvei back in school, and it yielded results. Regarding the relationship between mother and son, the heroine says it has become a little easier recently.

— Regarding money, Matvei has a slightly clearer understanding now; we talk about finances more calmly. He has seen and knows that behind the "beautiful picture" of my work, there is also colossal effort. At the same time, he has a desire to earn all the money in the world.

Next spring, Matvei will turn 18. This means he will have to compensate the remaining amount (currently a little over 22,000 rubles) himself. The boy now receives a scholarship and, by family decision, transfers half of it towards the debt. Dzina explains that this gradually "teaches" him responsibility.

Павялічыць

— When the question of admission arose, I immediately told Matvei: paid education is out of the question. There were no tutors either: there's enough information online, and there were additional classes at school. My son improved his grades himself (average score – 8.6) and managed to get a state-funded spot in Minsk.

This is entirely his merit; he is a great young man.

— Do you feel guilty about what happened?

— It's hard to say. When you analyze life, it's clear why everything happened. Maybe somewhere our connection wasn't established. Why didn't he call me even to share his joy about finding a new job? Since that didn't happen, something was missed.

Perhaps this sounds selfish, but I don't know how to behave. Because no one explains how to be a parent; such an instruction doesn't exist. You meet the child's basic needs, constantly talk and ask about their day, and tell them about yourself — I was always open with my children. But it turns out they don't tell you everything.

Honestly, to this day, I don't know if I've dealt with this story myself. In the last year, it really annoys me that I constantly think about money. I don't want to buy anything expensive for myself; I just want to breathe out and know: there's no minus of 22 thousand on my card.

Advice for those in such a situation: if you can sell something, it's better to do it, not to drag it out, and pay off the debt. If there's no way, then just accept it. But don't get into a constant chase either.

Psychologist: “Scammers are good manipulators”

How to understand that something is wrong with a child, and where to find help if everything has already happened? We talked about this with psychologist Sergey Yangibaev.

— Scammers, as a rule, are very good manipulators. Specifically in stories involving money: teenagers generally want something of their own, be it pants or a bottle of soda. If the desire to also help their mother kicks in, that's what they will pressure. With emotional involvement, intelligence is not important: one can be an infinitely intelligent person but still fall for manipulation.

How to convey to a child the potential danger of getting involved in various schemes? Intimidation, the psychologist assures, will not work. And even more: it can provoke a counter-reaction and heighten interest.

— The most important thing is the depth of contact, building trusting relationships, calm conversations without lecturing or judging. Further in the conversation, you can mention specific news cases and say: "Please take a look. I'm worried; maybe you have questions?"

Psychologist's checklist for parents: what to pay attention to in a child's behavior

1. Hides phone or device

• Hides the screen when parents approach.
• Switches or turns off the device when mom or dad enters the room.
• Goes to another room to use the phone.
• Reacts sharply when a parent asks something.

What to do: Do not scold or demand passwords; say, "I don't want to look at your messages. But if you're feeling bad, I'm here. You can show me if you want."

2. Became more silent, withdrawn

• Previously talked about school, friends, movies — now answers in monosyllables: "Normal," "I don't know."
• Avoids conversations about money, people, plans.
• Stopped sharing emotions — even about joyful events.

What to do: Don't pressure, just be there. Say, "I'm not demanding that you talk. But I'll always listen when you're ready." Give time, but don't ignore.

3. Behavior changed abruptly

• Previously open — became aggressive, irritable.
• Was active — became passive, lies on the couch for hours.
• Lost interest in hobbies, friends, school.
• Suddenly started dressing differently, changing communication style, joining new groups.

What to do: Write down exactly what changed and when. Don't jump to conclusions — ask open-ended questions, for example, "I noticed you've changed. I'm curious: what's going on with you?" The main thing is to be there and convey that a parent is ready to help.

4. Sleep problems appeared

• Has trouble falling asleep, often wakes up at night.
• Fear before sleep, says "I don't want to sleep," "I'm afraid something will happen."
• Nightmares, night terrors, insomnia without physical causes.

What to do: Create a calming bedtime ritual: soft light, reading, music. Be with the child before bed, and during the day, talk more often about his/her feelings without pressure.

5. Constant worry, anxiety

• Often asks "What if...?", "What if I can't cope?".
• Panic reactions to trifles: phone call, message, going to school.
• Constantly checks if "everything is okay," if "they didn't offend him," if "they didn't say something."

What to do: Do not say "Don't worry," "Don't be sad," and especially don't scold for worry. It's important to contain anxiety — to place it somewhere outside, and parents are precisely who help children with this. Say: "Your anxiety is important. I don't want you to deal with it alone. Let's figure it out together."

What else is important to consider

• Appearance of unexplained things (money, gifts, clothes) that weren't there before.
• Change of friends: new "friends" are unknown to you, don't visit, don't participate in common activities.
• Decrease in self-esteem — says "I'm worthless," "Nobody loves me."
• Physical signs: bruises, scratches, avoidance of contact, sharp changes in weight.

What should a parent do if a child has already "gotten into trouble" and now needs to deal not only with the financial aspect but also with the emotional component? In such a case, it's worth reminding yourself of the rule "First put on your own oxygen mask."

— It's worth using any opportunity to express accumulated emotions: talk to loved ones, friends, ask someone to simply listen and not give advice. If there's no one, you can "vent" everything on paper. Otherwise, this "garbage" will accumulate, and a parent also needs to process the child's emotions.

How else to help yourself and your child? As in Dzina's story, you can turn to a psychologist. According to Sergey, any help in a crisis situation will not be superfluous. Even the understanding that someone is ready to listen once a week will help you feel safe. Free support is available at the City Center for Family and Children Assistance (+375 (17) 263-03-03) and the Republican Center for Psychological Assistance (+375 (17) 300-10-06).

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