"I read that your guys are supermen." A Belarusian flew to Indonesia and met his wife there

"I always wanted to live among the local population"

In recent years, Valery has been living in Bali — Indonesia's most popular island among tourists. Before this, he lived and worked in Belarus for a long time, but at some point, he dared to make changes, swapping a desk routine for his own business: he opened a hostel in Minsk. This format gave him the opportunity to run a business remotely and not be tied to one place.

— In 2017, my life changed dramatically. I had a first marriage, but after changing jobs, we divorced. I started running, began eating exclusively vegetables and fruits, and literally lost 15 kilograms in a couple of months. Minimalism became close to me, and I parted with unnecessary things, fitting what remained into four bags.

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Then, for a few months, I went to Europe, and when I returned, I began purposefully looking for a place for a hostel: the topic of tourism had always been close to me. In 2019, I opened it. The business took off. I devoted as much time to work as it required, and I didn't need to be in the office.

So, the change in lifestyle, running, minimalism, and engaging in beloved work that began to bring moral satisfaction, gave me the opportunity to feel free.

Valery says that he always wanted to live in a resort, but never considered Indonesia for this. He had vacationed there once before and hadn't particularly liked it. But in 2021, due to COVID-19, options were few, and he rushed to Bali.

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— And the island somehow captivated me. By that time, much in my life had changed, and I looked at Bali differently. Not at the cleanliness and availability of napkins in restaurants, the presence of which doesn't make me happy, but at other things: for example, the atmosphere, the friendly people who always smile at you and with genuine interest ask where you're going and why. At first, I didn't understand how sincere this was, but then I realized: people are genuinely interested, and they are very friendly here, — says Valery. —

Initially, I lived in Canggu. It's now overcrowded with foreigners and built up with cottages, but back then, it was still a quiet and peaceful area. People live in their own communities. And frankly, I didn't quite understand that.

It always seemed to me: if you want to change something, why come to another place and create the same atmosphere you had before? And in Canggu, you can even find ads like "Our villa is fenced, and there are no local residents on the territory." Some think that's great. But what's great about it?

I lived in different places. In the third month, I asked myself: will I settle here or not? I didn't want to separate from the locals, but how to integrate and on what interests to converge?

And thanks to my travels, I made friends. With one, we bonded over a love for coffee, and I invested money in the business, buying a roaster. He helps with various issues.

I still communicate with the owner of a small hotel where I once lived. She gratefully remembers that during COVID, by choosing her hotel, I supported her. One more month, and she wouldn't have had enough money to maintain it.

Now I rent a house between the city of Singaraja and the popular Lovina beach, near which people swim with dolphins. I live among the locals, and that's cool.

I cross the road, and there's an acquaintance selling shrimp and squid that her husband caught today. You can buy a healthy seabass from them for $2! You won't find such prices in markets where tourists stroll.

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"Balinese residents are afraid to offend anyone"

Valery describes the local residents of Bali as very polite and friendly people. One of the worst deeds here is considered to be touching or offending another person.

— They really smooth things over. In this regard, Indonesians are unemotional people. There were cases when someone behaved inappropriately, but the person reacted absolutely calmly: like, it's nothing terrible, — says the interlocutor. —

In Bali, as everywhere, there are stereotypes. If they see trash on the coast, they say it must have floated to them from the neighboring island of Java. If something was stolen from someone, it was also done by a Javanese.

The roots of this stereotype lie in the distant past. Balinese residents themselves once lived on Java, but for certain reasons, they had to leave the island and resettle in Bali. And, frankly, I also initially thought that Java was dangerous. But everything is absolutely not so. It's good there, cool and open people also live there, and overall, there's little crime.

How do Balinese people relax? They are Hindus, very religious, so they even relax at religious ceremonies. They gather with their company in the evening at the temple and discuss various issues. For them, travel is a trip from one temple to another where some ceremony will take place. For Balinese people, religion is a tangible part of life, and they spend a lot of time on it.

— Do you think you have managed to integrate into the local society? Or do you still feel like a tourist?

— Since you are white, for Indonesians, you will still remain a newcomer. And if you go into the countryside, they will still look at you as a tourist. But I emphasize: this is an exclusively friendly perception. Locals are interested in talking to you, taking a photo for memory. Coming to Indonesia, you will feel like a star. You will be given a lot of attention.

About the relationship with his Indonesian wife: "We added a pinch of chili to the draniki"

For a good part of the conversation, Femi — Valery's wife — drank lemonade and looked at her phone. But as soon as the conversation turned to personal life, the girl brightened up.

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As Valery explains, Europeans have lived in Indonesia for a long time. The country was a Dutch colony for a long time, Indos (Dutch Indonesians) live on the islands, and mixed marriages are viewed calmly there.

— But a marriage between a Slav and an Indonesian is something rare, new, — says Valery. — We met in August 2022. That evening, I came to Dreamland beach. It was beautiful, everyone was photographing the sunset, and Femi at that moment was photographing flowers in the rays of the setting sun. I became curious. We talked, exchanged contacts on Instagram. Then likes, some comments... We stayed in touch for six months, and then decided to meet. That's how it all started.

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— Femi, how do you remember that moment? — they ask the girl.

— When I was taking photos, I saw a guy in the corner of the camera. We started talking. And how did he approach me? This is Indonesia! People there even talk a lot with strangers on various topics: where are you from, what do you do, what's your name, and who are your parents. For us, this is normal. There's nothing unusual about communication between tourists and locals either.

By that time, Femi had received a higher education at a university in Malang. After quarantine, she came to Bali and worked online for a marketing agency.

The relationship with Valery didn't develop quickly. The girl says that she and Valery found each other interesting, and over time, friendship grew into a relationship. Femi says that the difference in cultures and mentalities did not become a difficulty: Valery's education and experience, on the contrary, helped in the relationship.

Her parents, by the way, supported their daughter's choice. In July, the couple got married.

— It was simple: we added a pinch of chili to the draniki. And that's really good, — laughs the Belarusian.

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— Did the wedding in Indonesia not become a bureaucratic hassle for you?

— No. You need a passport and a birth certificate. The latter, however, had to be translated into Indonesian, but that was also manageable. And we also needed a certificate of no impediment to marriage.

Since Femi is Muslim, I also had to convert to Islam, and only then could I marry her. I asked if she could convert to Christianity, but I heard: "That's impossible," - and I met her halfway.

Since society is Muslim, the religious wedding ceremony is more significant than civil procedures. Therefore, the religious ceremony took place in a restaurant decorated and prepared for the wedding.

How did it all go? I had to say some words, and that was it. You don't sign anything anywhere. True, all the words had to be pronounced very quickly, in one breath. If you stumble, the marriage will not happen. Among other things, there are words about me having fully paid the bride price to the parents: this is money to support the wife in case of any misfortune.

But the priest who conducted the ceremony understood everything. He supported me, so he allowed me to practice. Everything went well. But I really felt that the guests, who were waiting for my words, were tense. And as soon as I said them, they exhaled. And the civil ceremony took place right in the hotel, in the conference hall.

I'll tell you one moment that describes Indonesian mutual assistance. The employees of the local equivalent of our Civil Registry Office didn't understand who Belarusians were at all. Because of this, there were some questions with documents. And to fill everything out correctly, an employee with a computer came to our house in the evening. By the way, they didn't put a stamp on our documents, they just issued two copies of the marriage certificate.

A traditional wedding in Indonesia lasts three days and involves hundreds of guests. In our case, however, everything was much more modest.

— Did you organize the celebration?

— No, my wife did. She didn't want to take a single penny from me. In Indonesia, it's generally customary for the bride's parents to organize the wedding, but in our case, Femi took all the expenses upon herself. My responsibility — for the maintenance of the family — began after the wedding.

In Minsk, I liked the antique shops

— Femi, what did you know about Belarus before your visit to our country?

— I read about politics, knew that Belarus had been part of the Soviet Union for a long time, and that you love potatoes and sour cream. And even before my relationship with Valery, I somehow decided to read something about Belarusian guys and stumbled upon an article online saying that Belarusian guys are real supermen.

— I think it's about mutual help and the desire to help, — Valery says with a smile.

— For me, everything in Belarus is unique, as the differences between our countries are significant: it's both the weather and the people, — the girl continues. — I'm impressed by the architecture, because we don't have many preserved historical buildings. And I also love antique shops. You have many of them, and I just disappear into them.

— How would you describe Belarusians?

— I only communicated with my husband's relatives, but they were very kind and polite to me. As for strangers, it's hard for me to say anything about them. But they seemed less cold than in Kazakhstan, where we were before Belarus.

— And how are duties divided in a Belarusian-Indonesian family? Who cooks, for example?

— Femi likes to cook. From what we understand, she makes syrniki (cottage cheese pancakes). Where does cottage cheese come from there? On the island of Java, there are cows, and Indonesians have popular milk bars where people drink milk with various additives, smoke, and socialize in the evenings. But the fat content of the milk there is 12%. For Belarusians, that's like cream.

"In one mountain race, you can see as much as you wouldn't see in a year of walks or climbs"

Currently, Valery and Femi live on the west coast of Bali and link their future to Indonesia. He runs his business remotely, has involved his wife in the venture, and is actively engaged in running.

A hobby that began in Minsk has become an important part of his life. The Belarusian participates in ultra-trails — cross-country races (for example, in the mountains) over ultra-long distances, exceeding the classic marathon (42.195 kilometers) and often over 100 kilometers. He has about ten official starts to his name and already one podium finish.

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— I lived in a hilly area where no one runs, but for me, it became a kind of training. And when I moved to live in northern Bali, I thought: "What will I do here? There are no hills." But there are mountains, running in which seemed something crazy to me.

But I dared to run 50 kilometers from the city of Singaraja to the west coast of Bali — that's almost 8 kilometers more than the marathon distance. There were many fears, like, this distance could affect my health, but I ran and felt fine. Two weeks later, I ran 55 kilometers in the mountains with an elevation gain of 1600 meters.

Soon we went on a trip to Vietnam. We traveled through different regions, and everywhere we were met with different races. My first official race — a half-marathon — took place on Cat Ba Island. I ran it for pleasure and finished seventh. And upon returning, I met the Bali Trail Running community — guys who run on the island.

In 2024, I ran a distance of 36 kilometers Rinjani. After that, I realized that through trail running in the mountains, you can see as much beauty as a person could see in a year of walks or climbs.

— How many people participate in such difficult races?

— One to two hundred runners. Only those who have already run similar races are allowed on such distances. If you drop out of a marathon, someone will help you, or you'll get where you need to go yourself. But if you're stuck in the mountains, what are they going to do with you?

We run by GPS, the trails are empty, there's no one around — only food at checkpoints, where it's delivered for runners by organizers. So, only experienced people participate, and not everyone is admitted.

This year, I ran the Rinjani hundred-kilometer race with a 9-kilometer elevation gain. I finished seventh overall and fifth among men. The entire distance took 32 hours and 28 minutes. Without sleep, I just ran and walked.

During this time, a runner needs diverse food. Your stomach will simply stop working. At special stations, bananas, watermelons, hot food, and what you bring with you save the day.

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Valery is not going to stop there: in the future, he plans new races, actively talks about running on social networks, and hopes to find support from our Ministry of Sports.

— I don't think many Belarusians can run 170 kilometers with that elevation gain. It's difficult. But I can, and I already have prize-winning places. It would be great to work with the Ministry of Sports.

What's the contribution? $100-150. So you can't run much without support. For winning such races, they give $300. So it's more a sport for fans, not for chasing money, — Valery openly says. —

Overall, I like Indonesia, and we plan to live there permanently. Perhaps, if we have children, we'll move to Malang: it's easier to get an education there. However, for now, I don't want to be tied to a specific place in the country; I like to travel.

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