"He decorated the bed with roses, but he wanted a guest marriage." Belarusian women shared their stories of affairs with "hot" foreign men.

"If I had agreed, we could have had sex every day"

Evgenia from Gomel and Karim from Lebanon have been together for 16 years, 11 of which they have been married. A strong, long-term relationship grew out of what seemed like ordinary flirting between an Eastern man and a Lebanese nightclub, where the Belarusian came with a friend as a tourist. At that time, she was already dating a local guy, so he brought his girlfriend to the party so that Evgenia would not be a third wheel. Word for word, as he put it, and everything quickly took off.

"I liked him right away, his reverent attitude towards me as a woman was noticeable. Even at the first meeting, he was gentle, attentive, and tried not to offend anyone. By that time, I was already married, where anything could happen: my ex-husband even broke my nose once. I had something to compare it to. Therefore, such attention to me immediately won me over. Even trivially, it was clear that he was listening to me, looking me in the eyes, and not as usual: asking just to ask."

Evgenia, however, does not hide that she also had doubts - she was in no hurry to plunge headlong into an "eastern fairy tale." At the time of their acquaintance, Karim was already in his forties. An attractive and wealthy man assured that he had never had a serious relationship at that time. Evgenia wondered: what's the catch, where is the warning sign? Now she says that only after living in her husband's homeland, she realized: in Lebanon, in principle, you should not rush to get married. Even among family friends, there are enough confirmed bachelors. One is 46, the other is 60 - and they still haven't "gotten married", and no one in their circle is against it. "Early marriages there are more common only in Muslim or poorer families. My husband is not Muslim, he is a Druze, a representative of a separate Eastern denomination that broke away from Islam. So for me, it is definitely unthinkable to marry a Lebanese man and wear a burqa (which scared me very much).

"Lebanon is an open country, completely different peoples live there. People, like us, drink beer, eat meat and maintain normal social relations."

Shortly after meeting, the lovers broke up and communicated only by correspondence for almost two years. Later, they decided to meet again on "neutral territory" (at that time it was difficult for Karim to get a Belarusian visa) - and there everything became very turbulent. Evgenia recalls how she and her husband were just walking around the city, went to the first tourist agency they came across - and on the same day, without any plans, went to the sea. In general, spontaneous trips in the spirit of "get ready, we are flying to Sri Lanka in two hours" were Karim's favorite type of courtship. Of course, on vacation, the Lebanese also showered his beloved with gifts, to which, according to Evgenia, she had long been accustomed after past experience of failed relationships. Such meetings continued for a couple of years, after which the question of marriage arose. Evgenia was simply tired of living in an incomprehensible status, and it was also necessary to resolve the issue of bureaucratic red tape, which she had to get involved in every time to bring a man to Belarus. So, during one of these visits, Karim and Evgenia signed a marriage contract in the Gomel registry office. At first, Evgenia recalls, the problem was her husband's heightened sense of ownership - even before they got married. Karim believed that a woman belonged only to him, regardless of whether she was nearby or not. When he called via video link, Evgenia had to answer. She admits that sometimes she deliberately dropped him in public transport, and it drove her crazy. When she went out with friends to drink wine and was a little late, her husband immediately began to worry: "Aren't you late? Are you sure you won't be late? Maybe you should go home?" Conflicts arose on this basis, but over time it almost disappeared - they simply got used to it. At the same time, in everyday matters and the distribution of roles, Karim, according to Evgenia, turned out to be a much calmer and more flexible person than one might expect from a man with an Eastern temperament. He grew up in a non-Muslim, fairly free family, so he easily shares responsibilities, helps around the house and never forbids his wife to do what she wants. The only exceptions were rare cultural nuances that appeared when Evgenia lived with her husband in Lebanon and began to communicate with local women, walk with a friend, or go outside in more revealing summer clothes.

"He's like: "Maybe you shouldn't wear shorts?" But this is a recommendation, without radical prohibitions. And I don't go too far, I have normal taste. When we lived in Turkey for a couple of years and often went to the beach, everything was fine. If it's a thong swimsuit, then it's a thong swimsuit. He didn't say anything like: "Don't wear it, you'll be walking around with your bare ass." The only thing that annoyed him was how sometimes the Turks openly stared, even when it was obvious that a woman was walking with a man. Karim was constantly indignant: "Well, it's obvious that I'm walking next to you, I'm looking him straight in the eyes, and he's still looking at you." And I answered him: "Well, let them stare, let them be jealous, but you are proud that I am walking next to you."

Evgenia also says that in their circle, and even in her husband's family, the topic of sex is not taboo at all. Karim is temperamental, he has a high libido. "If I had agreed, we could have had sex every day," Evgenia smiles. But at 49, she herself no longer needs it as much. In addition, they have different biorhythms: she falls asleep in the evening, but he doesn't; he is ready in the morning, but she doesn't want to at this time. Nevertheless, sex is present in their lives, there are no restrictions - from the very beginning they discussed who likes what, who doesn't. The couple first had sex a few days after they met. "We weren't kids anymore," Evgenia shrugs. When they met again years later, everything happened quickly again - there were no prohibitions on sex. Before that, Evgenia had not even tried to start a relationship on the side for almost two years. Karim assures that he also did not have anyone - she believes him, and if he did not, then, as she jokes, "at least he was not caught." Although, as it turned out, Karim was not the only ardent man in Evgenia's life: a couple of years before him, the Belarusian married a Cypriot, which, however, ended as quickly as their communication began.

"Everything developed quickly and cool: I went on vacation - I came back with him. He was very handsome, pumped up, interesting. We got married, and on the first night after the wedding, the man was replaced. He tore up the marriage certificate, took away the phone, forced me to delete all friends from my contacts - even girls.

I immediately kicked him out of the house, the marriage lasted only a month on paper. Before that, there were no problems, although I was young and stupid not to notice this. Then I realized that this was most likely some kind of marriage swindler: when he left, he took all my savings with him. Because of this, everyone initially treated Karim frivolously: an Eastern man, we met in a nightclub... But we have been together for so many years! He still says several times a day that he loves me, calls me beautiful.

Friends, including men, sometimes ask: "Come on, confess, do you love him or is it just a habit?" Of course, I say that I love him, and I see how he loves me too. And I answer: "How many times a day do you tell your wife that you love her?" My friend's eyes widen: "In a day?!" (laughs).

"I thought family was important to a Latin American, but he only offered a guest marriage."

Katerina met Rick in 2016, when she was 26 and he was 44. Their first meeting took place in one of the hostels in Vilnius, where the man stayed while traveling in Lithuania. They corresponded for only a year, communicated at a distance, and the relationship began later, when he returned to the country. They quickly realized that they were good together and started dating. Rick was born in the USA, but his mother was from Guatemala, so his origin was a mixture of Spanish, Portuguese and Mayan blood, and on his father's side - Spanish and Navajo. His appearance was appropriate: slightly "Indian" appearance, narrow eyes, dark skin, stocky build and short stature. For Catherine, it was unusual, exotic and very attractive. "Our relationship was hot and passionate from the very beginning. It seemed to me that I was adored: so many compliments, so many beautiful words - naturally, I succumbed. And at first I didn't see any obvious warning signs. Then, later, I realized that they were there, but I got too carried away. He lived in Seattle, he had a young daughter, although he was never married. He explained this by saying that it was simply more profitable: the child lives with him, and he does not need to pay alimony. But this did not bother me at all. The couple's first joint trip was to Italy - Rick paid for the trip in full. Then they also traveled around the Baltic countries, and outwardly everything looked like a beautiful romantic picture. But it was then that what she later began to perceive as a warning sign first appeared: constant remarks on the topic "I do so much for you, but you are all dissatisfied." Ekaterina could not understand for a long time what exactly he meant - she smiles, they say, it was probably like in those memes about typical slavic girls with stone faces. She tried to explain it to Rick, but conflicts on this basis happened again and again.

"And against this background there was still jealousy. For years. We spent hours figuring out why I have a green circle in the messenger if I'm not online. He could immediately ask the question: "Who are you talking to? Who is this man?" Or we are sitting in a cafe, and he suddenly asks why I am looking at some man, although I have not even seen anyone. It was a swing: on the one hand, you are a queen, you are taken around Italy, and on the other hand, a constant feeling of guilt that you might do something wrong."

Ekaterina justified all this for a long time by cultural peculiarities - they say, hot, emotional, too much in love. Moreover, before meeting Rick, she already had a stereotype about Latin Americans: incendiary, sensual, generous with compliments. This was partly true - the love was bright, the sex was excellent, the emotions were strong. But there was also a downside: Rick easily flared up and in an aggressive way, he could instantly get worked up and start swearing just from the memory of something negative. "I was still sure that since he is a Latin American, then family is important to him. Well, this whole typical picture, where mom, dad, grandmother, brothers and sisters live in the same house. But in the end, everything turned out the opposite: we didn't even move in together. The first year I thought, okay, he's taking a closer look. The second year - too. In the third year, doubts began to appear, but I was still young, I didn't know how to convey it correctly. As soon as I started talking about the development of the relationship, a scandal would begin. He assured that we have a "special relationship", that everything will be as I want, only "not when I want." Last year, after almost nine years of relationship, Rick proposed to Ekaterina, but he still did not want to live together. The man continued to insist on the "guest marriage" option: coming to each other for a couple of months a couple of times a year, as before, without changing anything. Even the difficulties in terms of flights that began with the Covid did not move the situation. The Belarusian tried to convince the Latin American that it was already banal for him to pay dearly for a long-distance relationship, but he stubbornly stood his ground. Why? The girl still hasn't figured it out.

"Of course, he compensated for everything with gifts and courtship. Trips, restaurants, concerts - everything was at his expense. He brought me clothes, jewelry, flowers. He often cooked himself, decorated the apartment, made beautiful gestures. Sex is a separate topic. It was always a firework. He could decorate the bed with roses, turn on the music, make the light. Everything was bright, beautiful, spectacular. We never had problems in this regard."

  In the end, Ekaterina realized that she could no longer tolerate the uncertainty for so long, and the couple broke up six months ago. Now the girl lives in Greece and she is starting to develop a new relationship with a local guy. He, she says, although also a southerner, is calmer, more serious, "Europeanized or something." Although in Greece the culture of dating is generally very open: local girls joke that "between coffee and bed - half a step", and most often this is similar to the truth. According to Ekaterina, a date with a local, if there is a mutual desire, can easily end with sex, not even on the same evening - literally half an hour later.

"But here, of course, there is a lot of cheating. Every second family, literally. And both partners know about it, but everyone seems to be fine with it. Girls around may have two or three lovers, and this is considered normal."

Ekaterina has never had a relationship with Belarusians. Before Rick, she dated a Lithuanian for seven years. According to her, they are closer to the Scandinavians: colder, more closed, more cautious, especially in matters of sex - they "swing" longer. Although that man turned out to be the complete opposite of stereotypes: outrageous, sociable, loved attention, always in the center of any company. Very emotional, could cry, easily discussed feelings. He was constantly inventing something, calling somewhere, organizing meetings, parties, a commotion - sometimes it was even tiring.

"What coincided with the stereotypes was his egocentricity. It seemed to me that the northerners were a little more focused on themselves - and this turned out to be true. Everything revolved around him: his music, his concerts, his style, his ideas. He did it gently, manipulatively, but if you have weak boundaries, you quickly give in."

And then the relationship was simply eaten by everyday life. I became uninterested in cooking and cleaning while he plays computer games. There was less communication, less attention too. Then both he and I had relationships on the side - I saw movie tickets, I saw correspondence with a girl. I also had another man. And it became clear that it couldn't go on like this anymore."

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