Belarusian left alone with 12 children after wife's death, but he copes well
Ivan and Olga were married for over 20 years – during which time they had 12 children. The couple received a four-room apartment, bought a dacha near Minsk, and planned to live together for many more years. But then Olga became seriously ill: she was diagnosed with oncology. The woman "burned out" very quickly – she passed away in 2022, and all the worries about the large multi-child family fell on Ivan's shoulders. On the eve of Father's Day, "Onliner" spoke with the man about what it's like to be a single parent to ten daughters and two sons.
"Boys are less demanding"
The apartment, located in one of Minsk's microdistricts, is cozy and bright. From the threshold, it smells of spices, lunch for the large family is cooking in the oven, and even an experienced hostess would envy the cleanliness and order in the kitchen.
«Now six children live with me, and another six have already grown up – they are 18+, adults already,» — Ivan smiles and invites the journalists to the table.
A rosy charlotte is already prepared for tea, and water is boiling in the kettle on the stove.
«One of the older daughters, Liza, baked the pie; she graduated from a culinary college. Her sisters, of course, helped her. The apples are from our garden at the dacha, and I gather and prepare the herbs myself. The blend currently brewing contains fireweed, mint, and cherry leaves,» — the host notes and unhurriedly begins his story.
Ivan's wife, Olga, passed away four years ago. Back in 2021, she was diagnosed with oncology, and despite all the doctors' efforts, she could not be saved. Together, the couple had lived for over 20 years.
«Olga's last childbirth was difficult – she had to undergo a C-section, and then there were complications. After that, she also contracted COVID – which likely made everything worse. She was a good wife and mother. When our children appeared, Olga left her job and completely dedicated herself to caring for them. For a time, she engaged in craft activities: making postcards, hairpins, notebooks. Actually, our whole family enjoyed this: with so many girls, it was always relevant.
Olga was 44 when she passed away. It's all difficult, of course, there were tears and worries... But I am a believer, my wife was also a believer, and we tried to raise our children with love for God. For us, death does not mean that a person leaves forever. We believe that they simply transition from one state to another – from physical to spiritual. But the moment of separation is always difficult, no matter how strong you are.»
At the time Ivan was left alone, his two eldest daughters were already adults, while the youngest, Lyubochka, was only 5 years old. By the way, here she is – she and her sister Sofia came into the kitchen to greet the guests.
Being a single parent to 12 children (even if some of them have already grown up) is a challenging experience in itself. Ivan, however, ended up with a "task with an asterisk": he has 10 daughters. After his wife's death, all the "girly matters" fell on his shoulders.
— Boys are... less demanding. Put on a T-shirt – and everything's fine. With girls, it's completely different: either the color isn't right, or the style, or the length, — Ivan shares the subtleties of caring for children.
— Do you go shopping with your daughters?
— Well, with the younger ones – Lyuba, Sonya, Ira – I still go. But the older ones help the middle ones. Generally, I can also do hairstyles, and I always listen when needed, give advice, and comfort. My children are generally friendly, but things happen. Sometimes I have to be the "fire extinguisher," — the man laughs.
David, Ivan's youngest son, peeks into the kitchen. The boy is in tenth grade, enjoys esports and football.
«I used to play tennis myself, and then I taught some of the children – Andreyka, Margarita – to play. We even went to competitions. Ira recently took up volleyball. And Lyubochka, our youngest, is a more creative person: she likes to cut things out, especially various small details,» — Ivan notes.
The father of many children is asked to list all his daughters and sons by age. He jokes that for this he would have to get his passport or look for birth certificates.
«Our oldest is Masha; she was born in 2000. She's married, lives in Russia, and already has a daughter herself – Stefachka. My granddaughter is almost 2 years old. Then comes Alenka, followed by Vera and Nadezhda, they are twins, Anya, Liza... All of them are already adults, independent... After them – Andrey, he is 18 years old, he recently entered BSUIR – I still help him, of course. Well, and then comes Margarita – she's in eleventh grade, then David, Ira – eighth grade, Sofia – sixth. And Lyubochka – she is now 10 years old.»
On weekends, everyone cooks, and order is maintained according to a schedule
For over 20 years, Ivan worked at MAZ as a model maker for wooden models. But after his wife's death, he had to leave the factory: he needed to focus on raising his children.
«For several years, I only received a survivor's pension – that's what we lived on. But when Lyuba turned 8, I started working. I didn't return to the factory: the previous schedule was difficult to combine with childcare. Now I work as a car courier for "Yandex Delivery," and this is an optimal option. I send the children to school – deliver orders, come back – cook lunch. The flexible schedule allows me to do everything.»
How is everyday life organized in the Pukhovich family? Dad is mainly responsible for cooking, while everyone takes part in cleaning. There's even a duty schedule for this.
«On Saturday or Sunday, we can all get together and bake something, but mostly I cook: the children have school or work, so they don't really have time. I try to make enough food for a couple of days so I don't have to stand by the stove constantly. And household appliances are a great help: we have a food processor, a slow cooker, and a dishwasher.»
Everyone in the family has their own responsibilities. Older children take turns on duty, and younger ones help them. Some monitor order in the bathroom or hallway, others take out the trash, fold clean laundry, or help unload the dishwasher. Even the smallest ones have manageable tasks.
«If there are no children on duty, I usually take over the cleaning. And that happens quite often,» — Ivan smiles.
"Children know they can always turn to me for support and advice"
In summer and on weekends, the family often spends time at their dacha near Minsk. Of course, they don't all fit into a regular passenger car, but for such trips, Dad has a big van – there's enough space for everyone.
«I myself was born and raised in a village, so I'm used to working the land. When we bought the plot, I immediately planted an orchard – there are apple and pear trees there. In childhood, I remember not having enough apples, but now at our dacha, we grow redcurrants, gooseberries, and cherries. There's also a vegetable garden, greenhouses where we grow tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers. It's nice to have your own vegetables and fruits. The children, of course, help with everything, especially the older girls: they weed and water. There were a lot of apples this year, so we had to process them – we made juice, and dried them.»
In general, as Ivan himself admits, it can be difficult for a large family to get together, especially with the older children: everyone has their own affairs and worries.
«Even on holidays, it's not always possible to see everyone. But we maintain relationships, and all my children know that they can turn to me for support and advice. I recently had my 50th birthday, and my older children gave me a new phone. Of course, it was pleasant. And with those who still live with me, we try to gather at least once a week to discuss studies, daily affairs, and plans: who will go to the dacha, and who will stay at home.»
Ivan and his children also occasionally visit his native village, located in the Myadzyel district. The man's parents have long passed away – his father died the same year Olga did.
— But now Aunt Valya lives there – Dad's second wife. My children and I, and my brother with his family, sometimes visit her, and we help with household chores. After all, she's an elderly person now, it's a bit difficult for her.
— What helped you not give up when you were left alone with the children?
— If a person has a solid foundation, they can stand firm even in the most difficult times. But if they don't, then it's harder – some grab for alcohol, others for other destructive things, and just gradually collapse. I have this foundation: it's faith, hope, love. The Bible says: «A depressed spirit dries up the bones.» I try not to be gloomy myself and teach my children the same.
Another important part of Ivan's life, his inspiration and outlet, is music. In the nineties, the man graduated from a music college, specializing in wind and percussion instruments, and even worked as a teacher for several years.
«Now I direct an orchestra at church and teach young musicians, I sing in the choir. I also enjoy playing the piano and guitar. I have a long-standing friendship with music – it helps me experience both sorrow and joy. And I have many friends from music college – we still keep in touch. Recently, my children and I were invited to a folk orchestra concert. When the children were small, we used to sing together more, but not so much anymore. But I don't force anyone: I believe that a person should pursue what their soul is drawn to and what they have an aptitude for.»
— Did you sing lullabies to your children when they were very small?
— Of course!
Not to be unfounded, Ivan picks up his guitar and plays a couple of songs for the guests.
«Once I pick up an instrument, I can't stop. It's captivating!»
Ivan admits: he didn't think he would be left without a wife at such an age. He imagined how he and Olga would raise their children, grow old together, and travel to the sea in retirement...
— But, unfortunately, things don't always turn out the way we want them to. And it's not good to be alone... I'd certainly like to have a companion...
— Have you talked to the children about this – about the possibility of you getting married again?
— Well, purely theoretically, we've discussed it. Everyone has different opinions, but generally – with understanding.
— Ivan, are you a strict father in general?
— Rather principled. I'm for justice, constantly explaining to the children: if someone does less, it means someone else has more to do. But otherwise, in general, I think I'm a good dad.
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Ці ёсць шанцы ў Беларусі зрабіцца беларускаю?